Relationships: Building Connections and Letting Go

Finding Your Sunshine: A Journey of Letting Go

Life is all about relationships, isn't it? From the moment we're born, we're building connections—with our parents, our siblings, our friends, our partners. They're the threads that weave the beautiful tapestry of our lives. But what happens when some of those threads start to unravel? When a relationship feels less like a warm blanket and more like a prickly sweater? It’s a tough truth to face, but sometimes, letting go is the only way to find your sunshine.

Here's the thing about relationships: they take two. It's not a solo act. You can't be the only one giving, the only one compromising, or the only one holding it together. A healthy relationship is a dance, where both partners have to be willing to lead and to follow, to give and to receive. If you're constantly pouring from an empty cup to fill someone else's, eventually, you'll be the one left completely dehydrated.

The Unspoken Rules of Engagement

Every relationship has its own boundaries, whether they're big, loud, and clearly defined, or small, quiet, and deeply personal. And here's a secret: no one gets to decide if your boundary is "silly." If your boundary is, "I can't be around someone wearing a red shirt," then that is your boundary. Period. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you certainly don't have to justify a deeply personal trigger. Maybe that red shirt is a major trigger for a past trauma. The person wearing it doesn't need to know the whole story, they just need to respect your need. The respect for a boundary, no matter how trivial it might seem to an outsider, is the foundation of trust. And let's be honest, trust is a bit like a cartoon character's invisibility cloak—easy to lose, nearly impossible to find again once it's gone.

Trust is built not with grand gestures, but with small, consistent actions. It's doing what you say you're going to do, every single time. It's the small promises kept that build a fortress of reliability.

And then there's the art of the apology. I used to think an apology was about defending myself, explaining how I was right or why my actions made sense. I'd stand there, all righteous and ruffled, ready to explain my side of the story. Spoiler alert: that's not an apology. A true apology isn't about you; it's about how you made the other person feel. It’s about looking at the "offense" from their point of view. It’s about seeing that you made someone feel unsafe, unloved, or unseen, and acknowledging it without a single "but" or "because." That’s the real magic—that's how you begin to heal a rift.

The Unexpected Hand Grenades of Trauma

For so long, I couldn't understand why I would "fly off the handle" for what seemed like no reason at all. It was like I had a secret button on my back that only certain things could push, and when they did, I’d turn into a fire-breathing dragon. It was confusing and exhausting. The reality is, trauma is real, and it rears its ugly head in the strangest ways. For me, it was a certain color of shirt or the specific way a man would scratch his head. A childhood assault I had never spoken about because I didn't want others to "feel bad" had created a trauma response. My brain was trying to protect me, but it was like it was using a sledgehammer to kill a fly. It was a bizarre, internal war.

For a long time, I tried to meditate the anger away. I tried to bottle it up and pretend it didn't exist, which, if you've ever tried, is about as effective as trying to hold smoke in your hands. Nothing worked until I finally found the right person, the right book, the right message that explained it all. I learned to work with my trauma instead of fighting against it. My husband, bless his heart, knows my quirks and respects my boundaries. I can’t make the world stop wearing that color or scratching their head that way, but I can understand my own reactions and learn to navigate them. It's an internal superpower—learning to work with your own mind.

My own journey taught me that my brain, bless its overprotective soul, saw me as disposable. I was an object to be thrown away when someone no longer needed me, and so I became a master people-pleaser. I lost myself completely in the process, trying to become whatever I thought others needed me to be, all to keep them from leaving.

For a long time, I saw all the quotes about "forgive and forget" or "meditate it away" as just letting people off the hook for hurting me. But today, after countless certificates, a few too many Dr. Phil episodes, journaling until my hand cramped, and yes, even some meditation, I can finally let it go. The memory is still there, but it's like a dusty old photo album instead of a live-action movie. It comes in, but it doesn't live in me anymore. It’s a victory, a huge one, and it's all because I found the right help for me.

Sometimes you need to try a different path. A different therapist, a life coach, a different book. Maybe you need to journal, to sit by the lake, to try a full moon ceremony. The list is endless, but the most important thing is to find your help.

Your Glow-Up is Waiting

It’s time to fall in love with yourself. Seriously. It’s time to see how incredibly important you are, just to you. It's a journey, and you might spend some time in the shadows, but you will find your way into the sunshine. It's time to find your favorite color, not the one that impresses someone else. It’s time to decorate your home for you, not for some imaginary guests.

When you start to genuinely find yourself, the right people will be drawn to you. Your new glow will attract the ones meant for you. I call it finding your "glowiness" (yes, I made that word up, but it works, doesn't it?). Everyone has a different shade of glowiness, a unique color that's all their own. And as you change and grow through life, that glow will shift and change, attracting people with a similar vibe.

If you constantly find yourself asking, "Why does this keep happening to me?" or "Why do I always attract the same kind of person?" maybe it's time to stop and ask yourself, "What color is my glowiness today?" It’s a journey you won’t regret, because once you start, you'll never look back.